The World According to Chuck

And how are you? Good, good. Me? Can’t complain.

Oh, let’s stop the charade, shall we? Yes, I’ve lost track of the times that I reached for the keyboard, only relying on will power to stop myself from posting, knowing that this way madness lies.

Actually, I’ve accomplished a fair amount of writing, although it’s bizarre after all these years of immediate regurgitation. It’s strange to write something somebody else won’t be reading next week at Burger King or Starbuck’s or sitting on their back deck, watching the whales. Much less the zippity-do-dah of blogging. But I’m getting stuff done, a new book, and with any luck and hard work and some subprime financing, it’ll be available for hot little hands by the end of the summer or early fall. Way totally in time for Christmas.

In other news, some Arctic air parked over our neck of the woods this past week, bringing morally suspect snow (i.e., it was fun and we suffered no consequences), at least to my elevation. Julie came back from Boston and started a new quarter of teaching. I have mowed the lawn now three times since February. John is doing better than he was. Nobody is dodging sniper fire in Bosnia, in other words.

And I myself head for Boston late next month, where I not only get to visit with Beth and Cameron and see the sights, but I hook up with long-time Internet friend Liz(ardek) and long-time Internet friend’s mom, Lizardmom. Looking forward, as always.

In the meantime, I continue my long walks and late nights, during which I sometimes do strange things. I’ve watched every episode of “The Office” and the whole second season of “Weeds,” for example, between the hours of 2 and 4 a.m. the past few weekends.

And I had this idea. It was a blog idea, back when I was blogging, sticking with the theme of turning 50 and the joy of having a new computer. I decided at first to make a list of movies, one chosen from every year of my life, but then I rethinked that. Why not take advantage of a better processor, etc., and, you know. Make a montage.

So I did.

It was a game, first of all. The rules involved mostly spontaneity and speed. I had to look over the list of movies from any given year quickly, find the one that jumped out at me, and go with that. Then I had to be able to find a clip on YouTube within five minutes or so. The scene didn’t matter, since with 50 films I wasn’t planning on more than a few seconds each anyway, although I got some classics along the way.

Several times a week I did this, 20 minutes or so at a shot, and last night I finished. So now you get to watch.

And you’d better watch.

First, though, an apologia. THESE ARE NOT MY TOP 50 FILMS OF ALL TIME. Far from it. Some of them I will never see again and that will be too soon. Although some ARE all-time favorites. What they have in common, though, are memories. I remember each of them — seeing them, thinking about them, talking about them. I have affection for most, and sentimentality plays a big part. Some were date movies, for example. Some I watched during interesting times of my life. Some just represented an era.

Some, of course, I didn’t see for years after they were released, but that’s allowed in my game.

And I realized I could make this all over again and choose 50 different films. I like movies.

Since all of them were snatched from YouTube and have now since undergone several digital iterations, the quality is questionable but it’s the thought that counts. So here we go, loyal readers. Fifty films between 1958 and 2007 (inclusive). It goes pretty fast.

(Changed to a link.)

From Dictionary.com

INORDINATE
–adjective
1. not within proper or reasonable limits; immoderate; excessive: He drank an inordinate amount of wine.
2. unrestrained in conduct, feelings, etc.: an inordinate admirer of beauty.
3. disorderly; uncontrolled.
4. not regulated; irregular: inordinate hours.

While Julie has been in Boston, I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time:

Watching the first three seasons of “The Office” and the first two episodes of Season Four. All of them streamed from NetFlix and Hulu.com.

Recharging AAA batteries.

Attempting to digitize a cassette tape recording of one of Julie’s concerts from the late 1990s.

Assembling a montage of films, one from every year of my life, using only YouTube.

Making pizzas (11 so far).

Listening to Internet radio, mostly Elvis Costello, the Beatles, and Mel Torme.

Waiting for a phone call from Julie.

On the other hand, I’ve written around 10,000 words that no other human being has yet read, which is sort of a first. Still, I’ll be glad when she gets back.

December 15, 1984

Today, Harvard

It occurred to me one day, toward the end, that I’d begun to drink in three-quarter time. One big gulp, followed by a sip, then another sip. Gulp. Sip, sip. Gulp, sip, sip. I’d started to waltz, dancing in circles, going nowhere.

—————————

One of my favorite jokes is the one about the guy who sits down in a restaurant and studies the menu. When the waiter arrives, the customer looks up and says, “Can you tell me how you prepare your chickens?”

The waiter thinks for a moment, and then says, “Well, to be honest, usually we just come right out and tell them they’re all going to die.”

—————————

I can’t tell you anything about myself — about my passions, my interests, my likes and dislikes, my goals and dreams — without, in pursuit of rigorous honesty, at least mention that for a long time I was convinced I was going to die, and I didn’t.

I didn’t. It was the most profound thing that has ever happened to me, and I get lost in it all the time. I end up jogging in cul-de-sacs, waiting for a sign or at least a hint about what I’m supposed to do next. This is not all bad; I’ve bided my time, more often than not, with interesting things, or at least interesting people.

But nitty-gritty? I am Guy Interrupted. I was on a path to somewhere not very nice, and I got distracted, and as pleasant as that is I can’t help feeling that the natural order of things has been thwarted. I was supposed to die an ugly, miserable death, even if it took another 20 years or so, because that was the road I ended up on and as we all know, I stay on the road. If I’m going to Damascus, then Damascus I shall go. I don’t veer a lot, or I didn’t and haven’t. I tend to walk straight ahead, surrender to inertia, stay the course, and thus I made a really excellent addict.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

— Dr. Seuss, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go!”

—————————

It was a trick question. “If you were counseling a client, and you could only ask one question, and it couldn’t involve any of the DSM IV criteria for abuse or dependency, what would it be?”

Well, whadda ya wanna know?

It was a trick question, at least in my mind, because the answer was too obvious. Existentialism 101 obvious.

“Why are you here?”

But it occurred to me that night, several weeks ago, that maybe I wasn’t all that interested in asking that question. Maybe I was interested in other questions. And while I was mulling this over, thinking that maybe I was taking the wrong classes, another question got posed.

“If you could only say one thing to a client, what would it be?”

Hmmm.

—————————

I’m going to take a blogging break. I had this idea that the discipline of posting something every day, counting down to 50 and making it count, would be good for me, but yesterday, in the midst of whining out loud about lack of readers, I realized that it felt familiar. It felt like…waiting. And then I realized that the answer to dwindling readers was not that tricky, either. It is, in fact, the answer I want to give people who email me from time to time, wanting to know the secret to getting published. Well. First of all

write something good

So I’m going to work on writing something good. Time to get out of the cul-de-sac. Hey, I got a title and everything.

I’ll be around. A link here, a video there, a comment from time to time, maybe. If my lovely wife takes pictures with her new camera in Boston this week, some of those. And we’ll see where we are in a month or so. I just want to break the rules a little.

—————————

I would say this, if I could only say one thing to someone lost, someone suffering, someone walking the path I know so well. By the way.

“I have enough hope for both of us.”

—————————

I do, too. Hope was my exception to the rule, it saved this wretch, it changed everything, it keeps me alive, and today I brought enough for everybody.

—————————

See ya.

Rick Lazio, who served New York in the U.S. Congress for eight years and then lost the 2000 Senate race to Hillary Clinton, turns 50 today.

———————–

I deleted a whiny post here, as I got the solution as soon as I posted it. So its work is done. What’s a blog for if you can’t count on it for insight from time to time?

———————————-

Remember a few days ago, when I wondered what possible use anyone would have for a web cam? Well, here’s one. Let’s say you’re a teenage boy and you want muscles. You put time and effort into lifting weights, and you’re starting to see a difference. Particularly when you’re working out, and you see those bulges and definition. So you turn on your web cam to capture some of this for posterity.

Don’t forget to feed the fish first…