The World According to Chuck

When Beth was 3, we got her a chocolate bunny for Easter. Using parental skills that I apparently lost fairly soon thereafter, I doled it out to her, bit by bit, every day after lunch, making a (gross but anatomically enlightening) game out of it: “Today we get a bunny ear! Today we get a bunny foot!”

After a time, of course, we pretty much had bunny fragments left. One day, toward the end of this, I scrounged around for a piece of milk chocolate goodness and found a nondescript section left. Beth took it, surveyed the offering, and sneered as only a preschooler can sneer.

“What is this,” she said, “the bunny butt?”

Quick: Did you laugh?

Or did you just smile, or maybe nod, or maybe do nothing?

This is the problem with offspring wit and wisdom. Kids can be awfully funny, but it’s mostly contextual and situational (you sorta had to be there, I mean; and maybe be related to them). So I generally groan and/or avert my eyes when I start reading (or listening to) parents’ accounts of the comic gems their little darlings issue forth like so many miniature Will Rogers(es). It’s hard to do well.

This lady does it well.

This is (stolen from)The Drunken Housewife, a blog written by a smart, funny, insightful (and probably sober, although I have no inside information) woman in the Bay area (thanks to Hugh Elliott for pointing me her way) that I read faithfully. She writes about her life, her politics, her ongoing battle with the contractor from hell, and occasionally things her kids say, which are usually highlights (I look forward to my Lola moments).

And TODAY IS HER BIRTHDAY. So stop by and wish her well if you are of a mind. And definitely make her a daily read.

Of note: I’m horrible at estimating ages from sight, so I constantly find myself mentally adding up odd facts and references to try to figure out how old someone is, but with the D. Housewife I’m at a loss. She maybe one of us, an official uberboomer (making her at least 43), or well younger; I really don’t know. But I’ll let her in the group, officially or un-, since I like the way she writes. And I’m fond of Lolaisms.

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I’m having issues with time management lately, which is why I haven’t posted much lately (or that’s my story, anyway). Papers are due, I’m sucking it up and working for a living, chapters still need to be read, lame columns need to be written, and of course I spend an awful lot of time on the road these days.

The road that runs by my house, I mean. I’m up to 9 miles a day and becoming a walking junkie, but then I’m on a mission. And the weather is fabulous today. And I meet nice people on the way. And occasionally turn the iPod up WAY TOO LOUD to be safe.

But if you’re interested still in the My Loss Is America’s Gain project…

Forty pounds lost so far. Catch you at 50, if not before.

Probably before.

(UB-Day marks the birthdays of people born between 1955 and 1964. If you want to know more, please read this post.)

Karch Kiraly (11/3/1960)

Born in Jackson, Michigan as Charles Frederick Kiraly, Karch is an American volleyball player and the only person to have won Olympic gold medals in both the indoor and beach versions of the sport. He continues to play (and win), although he’s stated that 2007 is his last year.

Trivia: He’s won over $3 million in beach volleyball prize money, also a record.

Age Today: 47.

Shares Birthday With: Adam Ant (53), Dennis Miller (54), Roseanne Barr (55), Lulu (59), Michael Dukakis (74), Ken Berry (74), and Bob Feller (89).

This Day In History: Susan Smith of Union, S.C., was arrested for drowning her two young sons, nine days after claiming the children had been abducted by a black man; she is currently serving life in prison (1994).

(UB-Day marks the birthdays of people born between 1955 and 1964. If you want to know more, please read this post.)

Tom Tuerff (11/2/1957)

I’m around a fair amount. There are a few quotes of mine that wander the Web, showing up on a variety of sites, including more than a few specializing in S&M for some reason. And people read this Web site, and my column, and my book resides in libraries, bookstores, and in the homes of literally dozens of people.

But as far as I know, my name is mentioned in liner notes on only one CD. I can die now.

That would be, of course, “But Wait…There’s More!,” the most recent musical offering by Tom Tuerff, the pride of Phoenix and the legitimate heir to Tom Lehrer (sorry, Al).

Born in Gary, Indiana, maturing in Phoenix and matriculating at Northern Arizona University, where he was fortunate enough to meet me and learn to spell my name correctly, Tom follows in the footsteps of such greats as Lehrer, Stan Freberg and (insert great of choice), working by day as a mild-mannered advertising man and by night as a wildly funny, musically diverse and occasionally naked guy. This is all good.

Stop by his Web site and buy his stuff. Hundreds can’t be wrong. I can be but I’m not in this case. Happy Five-Oh, Tom.

Trivia: Tom plays right-handed guitars left-handed (i.e., upside down).

Age Today: 50.

Shares Birthday With: David Schwimmer (41), k.d. lang (46), Shere Hite (65), Stefanie Powers (65), Pat Buchanan (69), Ken Rosewall (73), and Ann Rutherford (87).

(Also Daniel Boone, Marie Antoinette, Burt Lancaster, and two U.S. Presidents, James Polk and Warren Harding.)

This Day In History: After being struck in the face with a puck, Montreal Canadiens goaltender Jacques Plante returns to play wearing a protective mask — for the first time in professional play (1959).

(UB-Day marks the birthdays of people born between 1955 and 1964. If you want to know more, please read this post.)

Charlie Kaufman (11/1/1958)

Kaufman is the reclusive, surrealistic screenwriter of some of the past decade’s most interesting (and bizarre) films, starting with Being John Malkovich and including Adaptation, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Born in New York and attending Boston College before transferring to NYU Film School, Kaufman currently lives in Pasadena, California with his wife and two children, and is scheduled to direct his first feature film.

Trivia: Kaufman got his start writing episodes for fellow ubey Chris Elliott’s (UB-Day May 31) series Get A Life in the early 1990s.

Age Today: 49.

Shares Birthday With: Jenny McCarthy (35), Toni Collette (35), Lyle Lovett (50), Kinky Friedman (63), Marcia Wallace (65), Larry Flynt (65), Robert Foxworth (66), and Gary Player (72).

This Day In History: Two of Shakespeare’s plays premiered on this day, both at Whitehall Palace in London: Othello (1604) and The Tempest (1611).