Back In A Jiffy

I want to be clear: I do not have a business relationship with Smartfood Popcorn or its manufacturer, the Frito-Lay Company. Also, I am not opposed to the idea in the least. Just to be clear.

I love this popcorn, and it’s hard to explain, actually. I really do love popcorn, but in a way that means years will go by with me not eating any. It’s just one of those things that rarely live up to expectations unless you put more work into them than feels worth it, whew. You know? I don’t want microwave popcorn, or hot-air-popper popcorn. I want good popcorn, but then maybe it’s bad popcorn. Maybe it’s popcorn from 1965 I want. Maybe I want Jiffy-Pop. I don’t know.

I do know. I want popcorn that’s elegant and even gourmet but tastes a little slutty. Like someone overdid it out of enthusiasm and not having anything to lose.

I could also be overthinking this.

I just want popcorn that smells good and tastes better, and that someone else makes. I want popcorn, as it turns out, that comes in a bag. This is good popcorn right here.

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I got out of the habit of eating snack foods years ago, although I’ll eat anything at any given moment. But unless they come in a restaurant with salsa, I don’t eat chips, for example. If I buy a sandwich and it comes with a bag of chips, I won’t take it because I won’t eat them. It’s not on principle. Just a thing I stopped doing.

So this is kind of funny. I’m on my second bag of this popcorn. I was explaining this to a complete stranger yesterday, which is funny, maybe, and definitely kind of sad. But we were talking about funny things, like fictitious studies invented by bored grant writers extolling the benefits of Cheetos, and so I had to bring up this popcorn.

It’s got a ton of potassium. Other good things. Protein, fiber. It has just enough butter flavor and salt to feel indulgent, but the faint taste of that cheddar classes up the whole experience, and we get decent nutrition on top of it. I mean, if you want fiber, eat oatmeal. I’m not saying popcorn is part of a healthy daily lifestyle.

I’m saying it could be, though. I am saying that.

It comes at a price, which is 160 calories per ounce. That’s more than twice the calories per weight as ice cream, although, of course, popcorn doesn’t weigh that much. I filled a big bowl up with it and got less than 4 ounces. This was a very big bowl, and enough popcorn for a movie. But it’s not a diet food, I wouldn’t say. Doesn’t do a lot to satiate. Obviously, if you have to watch your sodium intake this is not the best choice.

But it should come in handy, which was the point here. I got swayed by one too many reviews of the latest Avengers thing. I’m at the point where this has all blurred for me, all of these things with their Guardians and Infinity stones and back stories that seem kind of complex. My enthusiasm has always been on the minimal side; a little Marvel magic goes a long way with me.

But John knows a lot about this, even though he’s barely seen any of them, and we winnowed the list down to 9 or 10 films we had to see, and in which order, before we could make it to a theater to watch this final epic. Epic thing. Whatever. Avengers Meet Wolfman, whatever it is.

This is still theoretical. Until we sit down and watch Age of Ultron, we’re not going anywhere. But we might. It appeals, a little, like binge watching to reach a satisfying conclusion. I just have to get through 20 hours of capes first. Good thing I really like popcorn.