I finally watched Contagion last night. I'm about six weeks behind everyone else. Like that's new.

Also, I'd seen it before.

And I got up this morning and wrote about it a little, and now I'm writing about it a little more. As I said in the column, I'm a guy who mostly writes about nothing much, and now I have nothing to write about.

This is probably my biggest writing flaw (I have a list) – I decided years ago that people enjoyed forgettable trivia, or appeared to, so that's what I'd write. I could have stuck with wandering all over the cultural map, writing about politics, about history, about popular entertainment. Stuff I'm actually interested in.

But I'm lying in this particular bed that I made, so I'm thinking I maybe have two weeks left before I just start digging out old columns and recycling. Or I write movie reviews, and there are much better writers for that.

I could do Contagion, though. I have thoughts.

I also saw Outbreak a few years ago, although I have no desire to revisit that (this could change; I've had no tolerance for sitting through an entire movie throughout this pandemic, oddly, so I was relieved that I could watch all of Contagion).

Contagion is a good film. It's not great, but it's quality, and it's interesting. The filmmakers obviously took pains to research and try to paint as realistic a picture as they could of a modern pandemic.

So that's the problem. We're actually in a pandemic.

The virus in the film is also novel, and also appears to jump from bats to other animals to humans, arising in the Asian marketplace (Hong Kong, in this case). It's 10 times as lethal as the worst projections for Covid-19, though, and people in the film die quickly and horribly. So that's not happening.

Just eyeballing the timeline, too, the bulk of the film takes place over a period of time roughly comparable to the first identified Covid patient in the U.S. That is, we're well over 100 days in now, and by that time in the film society is cracking seriously, looting is a huge problem, and a vaccine has been developed. It doesn't exactly resonate with now.

Also? Somebody was cutting Matt Damon's hair, and I'd like to know who.

There was no discussion of the economic fallout, none. Damon's character appears to be unemployed at the beginning of the film, so I have no idea how he's surviving. There's some talk about essential workers, but in the movie it looks like they've all walked off the job anyway. The only ones doing constructive work are the scientists and physicians of the federal government and you know what? This doesn't feel all that realistic anymore.

Look, I'm all in favor of finding inspiration, education, or just entertainment in trying times from films. I'm a long-time fan of movies. I know a fair amount about a fair amount, you know?

I just don't feel all that interested at the moment, so here's hoping last night's adventures in Hollywood epidemiology give me a spark. I need something to write about, for one thing.

Did he cut it himself? Sorry. I'm just really interested in this.