Housekeeping Note: My publisher has gone to subscription-only publication of the various newspapers in which my dumb column appears; there’s been a firewall for a while now, but it’ll tighten up soon. I stopped linking to my writing months ago, mostly because it was bad writing but also because I didn’t know what to do. I want to ensure local journalism continues and do my part. I understand that other folks might be interested, so I’ll eventually publish these pieces here, although probably delayed (and possibly incomprehensible if they’re topical, but maybe only a few days after publication will work). FYI.

Also FYI? I’m really, really rusty at this, as I am in many things these days. Be kind.

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One of my oldest friends spent 11 days in the hospital recently, a couple in the ICU, intubated, with Covid-19. I’ve known others, some hospitalized, a couple of whom have died, but nothing has come quite so near to my soul.

And I’ve lost a few friends this past year. Three from college alone, all quick and shocking, but you know. There are certain people. I met this guy at a play audition in 1975 and as I recall, we were immediately friends. He was part of a larger group that I still keep in touch with, and over the years we’ve moved in and out of each other’s orbits, but I’ve sort of always understood that some relationships are immutable. It’s always going to exist, this friendship, one way or the other, as long as we do.

So that was terrifying, but he’s home now and apparently recovering, still on oxygen and weak. I’m filled with gratitude, surprising myself.

This is all our fault. You know that, right? It was a massive fuck-up on the part of our federal government, and other governments around the planet (not all, obviously), but it was mostly us. It confused me from the beginning, the idea that we needed official lockdown orders and closures when it was so clear from the scientists and specialists what the danger was and how to avoid it. We just didn’t feel like it.

It doesn’t surprise me. Nothing about humanity surprises me, particularly. I’m deeply disappointed in certain people, and there are some relationships I’m not just into anymore, definitely. I did a minor Facebook purge the other day, and I need to do more of that.

I had at least half a dozen requests over the past month to join somebody I know on a new social media platform (I can’t remember which one; it wasn’t Parler), and my Delete key got a workout. It made me smile, thinking of soldiers getting disgusted with their latrine and deciding to build another one next door. Dude. It’s a latrine. They’ll all eventually smell the same.

So I’m stuck with Facebook until I can’t tolerate it any longer, but I could do more. I could trim my list down to 50, I think, and maybe I should. Or maybe there are other options. I do like a lot of the pictures of kids and lawns and spectacular views from porches, etc.

Obviously my history-living heart has been breaking over the past four years, specifically the past week, and I definitely see the line between social media and the riot at the Capitol last Wednesday. For the longest time, I bought into the idea that anonymity was the driver of all the bad behavior we see online, but now I’m convinced it’s basically mob mentality. Once we find ourselves in the middle of a lot of other people, many of us become simple, followers and ragers and torch carriers.

Maybe this is the creative destruction part of democracy. Maybe we all need to do some purging of ideas and bad actors. I felt a little guilty when I got excited last Wednesday, as the electoral college votes were being tallied and all the procedural shenanigans were being carried out after the riot was over. I stayed up for the entire thing, watching creaky procedures that still worked and made my nerdy soul a little giddy.

“This is the most fun I’ve had since 1974!” I texted my oldest friend, who joined me as 16-year-olds glued to the Watergate adventures way back when. It was ironic and sarcastic and I knew he’d get it. We both share a sensibility in this regard, that it’s cool to watch history evolve in real time.

But it wasn’t really fun. Of course. If unsurprising.

Again, perhaps this is the step we needed. Maybe we need to face down fascism once in a while to figure out where our spines are and what they’re for.

In the meantime, though, I remain worried but actually in a good mood. Today is my day off, my day of rest, after a long week of work and staring at this stupid screen while the world burns. I’ll still stare at it, but I’m off duty today and so maybe I’ll just read every other word. And do some purging. It’s a small pleasure but it’s still pleasure.