I spilled coffee on myself this morning, just another damn thing caused by this stupid pandemic. It can’t get over soon enough.

Although I’d note that this is a distinctly coffee problem. I can’t think of another psychoactive chemical, another drug-delivery system that requires one to be under the influence of said drug before beginning. It’s like requiring someone applying for a driver’s license to have a driver’s license as ID. YOU NEED COFFEE TO MAKE COFFEE, USUALLY A LOT OF IT.

Sorry. I’m punishing coffee this morning because it made my hand hurt, so I’m drinking tea. Like that’s going to hurt its feelings.

I’m not ready to be a human being again. I haven’t practiced thinking things through in a very long time. You can’t expect me to casually make a cup of coffee without first mentally going through the steps, the first one of which should always be POUR IT IN THE CUP NOT ON YOUR HAND.

Sorry. Just in a mood.

I don’t want to go back to church. I really love church but I don’t think I do. I’m really sure I don’t want to go to a movie theater, and a restaurant will wait until I’m pretty hungry.

It’s not about safety. Bah. I’m not scared of becoming infected, although I still tend to get my distance. I just don’t want to go back to hanging out with large groups of people for long periods of time. It’s never seemed efficient or productive, and a little bit goes a long way. I do enjoy hearing a concert with hundreds of other people. I don’t need to go to a mall. Does that scan? I think that’s clear.

I want to be New, and less friendly while I’m at it. I’ve even sometimes wondered if I’m sliding towards misanthropy, but I don’t think so. I really do enjoy people. But there are too many of them. Some of them should go away or at least stop voting.

Because they irritate me, and I don’t know how to deal with them because it’s been a long time now. I want to be selectively social, and if you have a handy label to slap on me for that, introverted or awkward or antisocial, it’s cool.

I feel closer and more charmed by people since beginning this pandemic than ever before, and these are people I can’t even touch or see in person. I’ve fallen in love with old friends, over and over again, as we hang out virtually and try to buck each other up. I’ve grown remarkably fond of certain people I only knew a few years and haven’t seen in nearly 50, just because I dunno, they post Facebook pictures of their gardens and I somehow like it, you know what I’m talking about. We like other people for all sorts of strange reasons.

And I’m not really a misanthrope. I like people and it’s going to get easier to do this. But I really need to focus, and I’m having trouble. Can’t do it without coffee, can’t do coffee with it. Oh boy.